Open to Grace

For the longest time I struggled with inversions. The only decent inversion I could really get into was Viparita Karani, or simply put, the legs up the wall pose but all the others were so hard for me to discover. Eventually when I realized how afraid I was of free falling,  I made friends with the snail and the plow. Later on I made my way to half decent shoulder stands, but they never really were quite there. The only inversion I ever managed was when I tried AntiGravity Yoga, and that really was an awesome experience. But what I really longed to do in my heart of hearts were headstands and handstands on the ground.

I tried almost every day to find my way to being upside down but I could never find my way there. I’d find myself feeling envious of my friends who had a great inversion practice and I longed to be able to do that as well, but it was just so darned elusive. Every time I tried, I failed but I kept telling myself one day I will do it. My teachers would always say to just let go of the fear and trust that my core would be there to hold me up and that they would be around to spot and support me. I’d always say it wasn’t the fear holding me back, because I really wasn’t afraid of falling but that my body just couldn’t do it. They’d keep encouraging me to try and would really stand beside me and try to coax me to lifting my hips up higher and tippy toe my way off the ground. But for some reason, even if they were very encouraging and supportive, I would never let them spot me during an inversion. i never minded when they adjusted me in whatever other pose I was in, but I was always afraid of having them spot me in an inversion. I would be afraid they’d let me fall, or not be able to catch me. And yeah, I guess it was also a bit of me being ashamed of my size and worrying that if they helped me, I’d end up hurting them.Whatever it was, the mere thought of having them help me into an inversion made me very anxious. More »