Earlier today, a new student came in to my class and said, “I’ve heard a lot about you from my (our) teacher”, she being a recent graduate from that teachers YTT. A little bit later, we got to talking more and she said with a smile that she was glad she was able to finally catch my class because, like me, she is a teacher who leans over on the heavier side. It was nice to know, she said, that she wasn’t alone. She then asked me if I was always comfortable in my body and if my size ever got to be an issue in my teaching path. Of course I said my weight was a big (pun intended) issue in the beginning of my teaching especially because I didn’t look like all my classmates or the idea of what a yoga instructor would be like.
Then I paused and realized, as I shared my story to her, that things have indeed changed from the time when I graduated my YTT to now. I do have my Yoga+ and White Space families to thank for that, because it is through the welcome and space they have given me that I truly found my voice. As I shared my story today I realized that what has changed immensely is the fact that the voices in my head that worried I didn’t look like a yoga teacher or that I couldn’t do it because of my size (and of course the attached issues that come with it, such as I can’t do certain poses because of my body limitations) have quieted down. I guess I can say I am comfortable in this body I inhabit. Suffice it to say, this does not mean I will not make efforts to lose weight or manage my weight issues for that matter. All I know, however, is that I have learned to honor my body by giving it the respect it deserves by not putting myself down or beating myself up unnecessarily. And I have come to believe that this is what yoga really is, not just the asana.
Yes, all is quiet in the homefront now. I am grateful for that.