I had a whole other post ready to be written earlier today about how my stomach finds itself tied in knots from time to time as the start of my training approaches. The first day jitters are making itself known and the “what if’s” are swirling in my head, as they always do whenever I try something new.
Unbeknownst to me, my dearest friend scheduled a massage for me at a local spa here at Mullumbimby to cap off this leg of my journey. It was such a lovely gift especially since she had taken care of everything for me since I arrived at her home. The massage was exactly what I needed to come home to my physical body to and to mentally connect to it too as being on holiday mode has pretty much shut down the thinking part of my brain.
At the spa, I came across a poster with the question, “What do you have an abundance of?”. The answer came quickly and easily for me — I have an abundance of amazing people to love and be loved by. As I sat with that, I came to also untie some of the knots in my belly as I came to be reminded that I have an abundance of internal and external resources that have allowed me to make it to where I am now. And that is what I will take with me to training tomorrow. Here we go
Today started with a question from one of my colleagues via whatsapp about insecurities. I’ve been contemplating on that all day and I had a whole lot of things come to mind. With it, emotions came to rise. They came and they went, like waves in the beach, and just like the waves, it left a little mark on my shore that eventually disspates.
Then this afternoon my friends brought me to Wategos Beach and one of them pointed out these rocks to me. He said the beach was once filled with it but in time this was all that was left.
Not long after the sun began to set and as I walked around the beach with my feet bare on the sand, I realized that despite my insecurities, I have learned to find my balance and that these insecurities exsist for a reason: to remind me to be mindful. When I am mindful and I pay attention to what needs to be paid attention to, I can allow the noise to quiet down, the waves to come in and out, and still remain zen.
It’s funny how it feels like I’ve been here in Mullumbimby for far longer than I really am. It’s been just 11 days but it feels much longer than that. In the same breath, however, I can’t believe there’s just three days left before I take the next leg of my journey, a 12 day stay at the Byron Yoga Centre in Byron Bay for a yoga therapy intensive program.
A small part of me is bordering on petrified. I have moments where there are huge butterflies in my stomach, especially since I know no one in this training — a vast difference from all the programs I’ve taken in the past. I’m also antsy about the little details like arranging my car transport from the centre to the airport, getting my laundry done, and sharing a room with a stranger or two. And let’s not go to the whole shared bathroom situation. Raaaawr.
However, a bigger part of me is excited and giddy with eager anticipation. As I was telling Anna, the friend who I came to visit Australia, earlier today, this trip is a practice of bravery for me. This is me stepping out of my box and exploring the bigger world out there.
As Liz Gilbert put it…attraversiamo.
I’m crossing over.
Soul enters life from below, through the cracks, finding an opening into life at points where smooth functioning breaks down.. – Thomas Moore
In the past few years, I have come to embrace the intuitive healer and lightworker that lives inside my soul. For a long time, I downplayed that and never gave it much thought. However, I find myeself drawn to one healing profession to another and so I have come to realize that I do have a gift. As that song goes, I love the broken ones and as my oracle name says, I am The Princess of the Lost Stars. My intention here is not to brag, but to highlight my gratitude for this gift to be able to touch peoples lives profoundly.
Today I paused and thought of where that comes from and I realized that the ability I have to help people heal themselves and find their own lights comes from the fact that I, too, am broken and am a wounded healer. Through these cracks in my armor, I am able to share and am guided by that.
So as I strolled down the beach with my bare feet on the sand, I remembered the most important task I must do to keep on going down this path: to care and nurture my own soul. It is easy to forget self-care when you are in the midst of busyness. It is hard to care for your own needs when you are busy with work or caught up in responsibilites. Sometimes it feels necessary to push your needs to the backburner to tend to those that seem more urgent. At the end of the day, however, pausing for ME TIME is what can make all the difference. Leaving home and taking a break from work has given me just that. And because of it, I feel like I have so much more to give now, and that despite giving, there is still so much left for me. For this, I am grateful.
photo credit :http://m.tarot.com/tarot/whats-your-tarot-card-name?partner=fb-tarot
I came across this photo on Facebook today and I couldn’t help but smile at the name that popped up for me…Princess (Empress if I use my legal name, Andrea) of Lost Stars.
I think it fits me very well